May 19th, 2007

Bloody Hell!

The classic British crime flick "The Long Good Friday" will get a $50 million dollar remake directed by Paul W. S. Anderson, whose credits include the Resident Evil films. It'll be shot in Miami. Here's what some studio fuck and ol' Paul had to say:

"The original was a highly praised classic and one of Handmade's most prized films, but its reach was limited primarily to the UK.

"Following continued interest from the US, we realised this remake could attract audiences worldwide with an updated setting and contemporary overtones.

"When Paul presented his creative vision for this project, we were instantly convinced that this is a story that could be successfully refreshed, yet leave the integrity of the original intact."

Anderson added: "I am delighted to have the opportunity to put a new spin on this classic film which promises to reveal today's gritty underworld in an equally shocking fashion."

New spin? I bet it's zombies.

Did you get that last clause? "...which promises to reveal today's gritty underword in an equally shocking fashion."

God, I can't fucking wait!

Here's a bit from the transcript of a meeting betweem the Studio Fuck and Paul W. S. Anderson.

SF: I like Denzel for the Bob Hoskins role.

PA: Yeah...maybe we should go younger. Josh Hartnett or...

SF: Who do you like for the Helen Mirren role?

PA: (struggles; then, brightly) Why not Helen Mirren?

SF: She's 60 years old, man.

PA: We could digitize her! That way there'd be a link between...

SF: I'm liking Angelina Jolie.

PA: (muses): You think she'd do a director?

Just shoot me now.