August 25th, 2007

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Todd Schorr: The Return of the Prodigal Taung Baby

The aliens picked Lena Wilkinson up in 1951, right in the middle of a photo session with Irving Klaw. A flock of horrible little creatures with heads like partially deflated, mushroom-textured balloons, riding in glittery Formica saucers. They couldn't fit her lingerie-clad form into their tiny one-alien cruisers, of course, so they had enveloped her in some kind of translucent protective protoplasm, zapped Klaw and his crew with their amnesia ray, and towed Lena off with gravity waves behind their mini-fleet as they soared out into space.

That envelope of protoplasm eventually became her only friend.

The trip across the lightyears involved passage down an infinite helical tunnel tinted a bilious yellow-green and studded at intervals with slate-colored exit portals. The fleet eventually dove down one exit and emerged above a hospitable planet, where they dumped Lena.

The protoplasm shivered off her and coalesced into a small bulbous luminescent starfish-shaped entity.

"Lena, I'm your new companion, Rollo. Follow me to your new home. We have a lot of learning and fucking to do."

Still clad only in underwear and stockings and heels, dazed from her swift abduction and transport, Lena could only dully obey.

For the past fifty years, unaging, Lena has indeed learned and fucked a lot. Although not visibly different, her head sometimes feels as if it's swelled ten times in size. And her fruitful loins have disgorged dozens of alien babies, the result of her congress with a host of unimaginable creatures. Naked mole-rats, exoskeletal ghouls, giant blue rabbits-- Lena dreams that someday one of her babies--all of them taken away by her original captors shortly after weening--will return to rescue her and return her to a planet she only vaguely recalls.

Idly, she wonders what Klaw is paying for a photo session these days.
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Let's share eyeliner

Are you sitting alone in your bedroom, bummed by the fact that the next Cure album just got postponed from a Fall 2007 release to Spring 2008? Then perhaps you need to seek solace with a like-minded partner. But where to find someone who shares your love of all things Goth? How about the Gothic Match site?

"Join GothicMatch to date someone for sharing your interests, your problems, your music and your spirit or even the perfect darkchylde to bring back to your lair. It's free to join the hundreds of thousands who have already made this dark little corner of the net their home. Never be alone in the dark again."

Posted by Paul DiFi.