August 31st, 2007

paul shirt
  • pgdf

Todd Schorr: Sugar Shakes

The pentagram was outlined in Kool-Aid powder. The candles were stacks of pierced Necco Wafers with licorice-whip wicks. The sacrifice was a beheaded chocolate Easter Bunny. Solid, not hollow.

Little Kenny Firazzy was ready to invoke his own peculiar demons.

Butt-naked, smeared with strawberry syrup, a necklace of candy skulls draped across his bony, ten-year-old chest, Kenny began to chant the evil invocation he had learned from collecting enough Bazooka Bubblegum comics.

"Skittles and Kitkats and hyperglycemia! Gummis and Starbursts and sweets that are dreamier!"

The chant took a full five minutes to recite. But when he finished, Kenny knew he had succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.

Confined in the pentagram, three demons hovered: Cottonwisp, Bad Apple and Beninjeri. Vainly did they writhe to be free, uttering seductive promises and lies. Their tails lashed, their fluids oozed, their worm-tongues flickered. But Kenny had been too smart for their wiles. They were trapped, and forced to accept his commands.

"Listen you three," Kenny ordered, "I wanna have all the world's sweet stuff, all the time, anytime I want it! And for starters, I'll take a nice big serving of chocolate milk."

"Your wish," hissed the three demons, "is our command."

The bioengineered cow crashed through the roof, landed on Kenny and squashed him flatter than a Fruit Rollup. Chocolate milk dribbled from its teats. The pentagram dispersed upon impact, and the demons were freed.

They went straight back to their home in the innermost circle of sugar hell: Hershey, Pennsylvania.
  • lizhand

Unexpected Epitaphs From Another World

This is the literary equivalent of that Star Trek episode where Spock goes insane from hearing some sound that only Vulcans can hear. In my quest to come up with a title for a new novel, I stumbled upon the ModPlug Random Song Title Generator --

-- which promises 1,676,737 titles. I have now personally looked at 1,676,432 of them. Any of you who want to help me form a band — The Festering Invalids, maybe, or Slithering Titmice -- well, you know where to find me — in the rubber room over there, listening to "Froody Umbrage (Part One)."

ye olde spiders
Venturesome Sociopaths In The Shed
nostalgic angels
froody umbrage (part one)
cynical skeletons
sensitive cadavers
implied romantic
incomprehensible symphony
rebellious thoughts in the forest
monochrome junkies
silly reactionaries with heartless bits
vibrating hemmoroids
angry bones
annoyed phlegm
pistol-whipped despondency
festering invalids
bloated oratorio
diesel rythmn from mars
unexpected epitaphs from another world
unfriendly sqirrels
my peanuts forever
slithering titmice
pious fixation with exploding dj
suicidal remains
on-line rendezvous under fire