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Short Story: "If You Were an Award, My Love"

Jun. 22nd, 2016 | 09:23 pm
posted by: ljgoldstein in theinferior4

“If You Were an Award, My Love” is not so much a story as a group of schoolkids drawing dirty pictures in their textbooks and snickering.  It’s ostensibly a parody of Rachel Swirsky’s “If You Were a Dinosaur, My Love,” but unlike successful parodies it has no understanding of the story it’s satirizing.  In fact, it’s so full of Rabid Puppy in-jokes it’s well-nigh unintelligible.  Scalzi, the Puppies’ nemesis, is there, and an award, and there’s something about rabbits… But there’s really no point in trying to give a synopsis, even if I could.  It was nominated to embarrass the Hugo voters, but it’s far more embarrassing for the people who wrote it.

Brad Torgersen must be breathing a huge sigh of relief right now: he is no longer responsible for the worst stories ever nominated for a Hugo.

And for the love of everything good in the world, don’t read the comments.  This is such a near-universal piece of advice it should have its own haiku:

Leaves fall from the trees
And drift away unnumbered
Don’t read the comments.

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